In honor of the newest season of The Walking Dead we wanted to impart some zombie-world vape survival know-how. I’m pretty sure you’ve gotten your doomsday plan all set, but have you figured out how you’ll continue your cloud chasing lifestyle while being chased by the undead? Fear not! In this super-informative, completely factual, and totally not made up off the top of my head blog, we will tackle how you can vape without ending up the hordes up walkers nipping at your running shoes.
Step One - Charge all the things!
The graves are a-poppin' and the dead come a-knockin'. It’s all just started to kick off but the power grids are still online. With this, you should immediately throw all your batteries into a charger and plug all your internal battery mods into the wall. Seeing as how the end has only begun, this means there are police, military and other meat shields to take the brunt of things while you get yourself together. While you are at it, get a solar charger, because, well...the Sun. Plus with all those charged batteries you now have a pretty useful explosive in the palm of your hands. Things getting a little hairy? Throw that battery on the ground and flash bang the hell out of there like a post-apocalyptic bat-themed vigilante...minus the grappling hook...and gravely voice. (**grumble grumble** I am vengeance **grumble grumble**)
Step Two - Stop Cloud Chasing!
There are a couple reasons to stop cloud chasing during International Get Your Face Eaten Day. One, well cloud chasing burns through juice - we all know that. The REAL reason though is what's more dangerous than zombies in a zombie apocalypse? People. Big clouds mean you are sending smoke signals to the nearest group of bandits to loot your camp and steal your secret twinkie stash. If you’ve got that Rick Grimes mentality, you’ll be damned if someone will steal your twinkies. So get your nicotine fix in a more discrete way by stealth vaping.
Step Three - Stock up, Stock up, STOCK UP.
Don’t wait till you have to fight your zombie neighbors with a makeshift flamethrower to realize you only have one bottle of juice left. Start your stockpile of all your favorite flavors well before The Walking Dead in real life happens (and hey, if you’re new here - use the WELCOME4 coupon code to get four 30ml bottles for $4.44. ) Plus if you got boatloads of juice, you can booby trap the front of your bunker like an oil slick. At that point, you just grab a lawn chair, a bag of popcorn, and your favorite mod and watch the zombos start doing the undead version of the electric slide as they attempt - and fail - to get past your slippery defenses.
Step Four - Made Sure Your Set Up Is Silent *shhh*
So as we know, some RDA’s and some tanks have a bit of a “whistle” when you take a drag. We also know that zombies are sensitive to sound ( trust me, I have a Ph.D. in Zombiology). I assume you’ve put 2 and 2 together and realized those atomizers will get your face nommed on by broadcasting your location to the Brain-Eat Bunch (get it? Brady Bunch? Brain-eat...forget it). So a silent RDA like the Drop is one to aim for. Also, shy away from any voice recognition mods. That’s a sure fire way to end up on the wrong end of Negan-on-Glenn levels of ouchie (too soon?). There is an exception to this, though. While we wouldn’t suggest vaping a whistly tank or using a talky mod for yourself, you should 100% use them on others. If you’re in a pinch with a rival group and need a little decaying help, take a monster drag of that RDA til it sings to the heavens, .and brings the seventh layer of hell down on your enemies...then steal THEIR twinkies.
Step Five - Scavenge For Parts
So the apocalypse has been going on for a couple weeks now and your batteries are nicked to high hell and you need new ones. All the local vape shops have been picked dry and your favorite website (VapeWild ;) ) is no longer accessible because...well there’s no internet. It’s time to scavenge for parts! Now you would think finding batteries or other supplies would be difficult but fear not! First, thanks to it being 2018 there’s a certain vehicle that can help with all your battery needs….electric cars. So, if you're in a metropolitan area and you know a few people who own a Tesla, bust that bad boy open and take its power cell! Now for cotton or wire, you may want to raid local towns or possible safe zones for that. Just...stay away from farms owned by people with the last name Greene...or towns named Alexandria...Ok, maybe towns might not be the best idea BUT IT’S SOMETHING.
Now, of course, there are a million things you’ll want to do to survive the apocalypse - but if you follow these steps you’ll at the very least be able to keep vaping while the dead come scraping.
Posted by Batsu on Oct 17th 2018